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Loyalty Makes You Family
Wed, 14 Mar 2018 11:58:25 -0500
It hardly comes as a surprise that blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family. Growing up, I always saw all of my relatives tear each other apart or taking sides instead of sticking together. And I am sure many of you can relate to this. So, I realized a long time ago I had to build my own circle.
The Thing About Trust
Mon, 15 Oct 2018 09:11:32 -0500
Trust is a dangerous thing. You give it when you determine it is deserved. We lavish it on those we esteem, those we have given leadership of our lives to.
The Mind's Fight for Acceptance, the Heart's Battle for Love
Fri, 16 Mar 2018 07:19:41 -0500
When I'm vulnerable my psychology sits atop a knife's edge; I either progress to repentance or topple into resentment. And it's people who just happen to benefit or pay.
My Irregular Relationship With Compassion Fatigue
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 08:43:49 -0500
I must say, that what still comes very much without warning, I still find hard to deal with, but I know in being honest I can trust my method. I have an irregular relationship with compassion fatigue, in that I feel I am sucked dry of empathy at times to the point where I have nothing left. Times like this I'm irrational in what I say, I complain, and I can't quite seem to find space and outlet for recovery. It is generally the night's sleep that brings me out of it.
Safe Versus Unsafe Emotions
Mon, 10 Sep 2018 12:36:21 -0500
Emotions belong in two worlds or in two domains. They are either healthy or unhealthy, productive or unproductive, primary or secondary, direct or indirect, safe or unsafe.
You Sound Stupid When You Say That
Sun, 24 Jun 2018 11:01:10 -0500
Earlier on I was listening to a conversation where one person was having a go at someone else. These were not just two strangers, though; they were two people who knew each other.
Making Sense of the Attitude of Forgiveness
Sun, 08 Jul 2018 08:53:49 -0500
If I'm a student of grief, I'm also a student of conflict, and whilst understanding of grief leads to acceptance, understanding of conflict leads to forgiveness. This is the premise: When you forgive you let go of what you cannot control.
She Just Wants to Be Heard
Tue, 08 May 2018 11:28:10 -0500
It happens so frequently when I do couples counselling. It's what I do often say, whether directly or indirectly. It's directed to him. It's the temptation to say, 'She just wants to be heard.' And every now and then I hear myself want to say it to her, too, 'He just wants to be heard.' The truth is we all want to be heard, and if we can't do the hearing we have no right to be heard.
What Did Your Parents Teach You About Men And Women?
Thu, 06 Sep 2018 09:29:20 -0500
I remember reading 'Family Secrets' by John Bradshaw and in this book he said, "it was and is your parents' actually lives that educated you: not what they said, but what they did". I took this to mean that what my parents did was far more important than what came out of their mouth.
The Loneliness Epidemic
Tue, 26 Jun 2018 07:42:52 -0500
Are you lonely? Do you believe you just need to learn to live with this?
Bereavement - What to Say?
Tue, 24 Apr 2018 14:34:21 -0500
Sudden bereavement creates a sense of numbness and shock. Later followed by intense negative feelings. We may feel uncomfortable not knowing what to say to a friend going through bereavement. Here are 6 tips that might find useful.
Heeding the Walking-Away Moment
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 09:53:24 -0500
There are at least two opportunities to walk away with wisdom: To walk away from something permanently that has lasted for too long, and, to walk away from something temporarily where space is required. Knowing how and when to make these two decisions requires wisdom.
Nurture or Neglect?
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 08:39:37 -0500
'I have a lot of room for growth,' I said as a parting shot at church one day. And the mentor I had just conversed with quipped back, 'Yes, well, growth depends on the environment you're planted in, doesn't it?'
Are You In A Relationship With Someone Who Is More Like Your Son/Daughter?
Mon, 16 Jul 2018 07:28:48 -0500
The other day I was thinking about how there were times when I had come across couples who appeared to be out of balance. When this was the case, it was as though it was more like a parent-child relationship and not an adult to adult relationship.
Relationships: Can The Fear Of Being Seen Cause Someone To Attract People Who Are Unavailable?
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 11:04:56 -0500
There are a number of things that can stop one from being able to have a fulfilling relationship, and ending up with someone who is unavailable will be one of the things that will stop them from being able to fulfil this need. When this takes place, they can find it hard to understand how this has happened.
Don't Make Another Person The Centre Of Your World
Mon, 24 Sep 2018 14:18:31 -0500
When I was reading the book, 'Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway', there was a chapter that went into how important it was to have many different areas of interest in life, and not to put all our eggs in one basket, so to speak. The author, Susan Jeffers, pointed out that a lot of people make their partner the centre of their life.
Feed Others, Eat Well Yourself
Thu, 07 Jun 2018 22:08:55 -0500
This article is based on our relationship with our family, friends and loved ones. It exposes the individual to the right approach to life on how to be helpful to the needy such that we in return will be get help when the need arises.we need each other to survive.
Three Ways to Ease the Prohibitive Conscience
Mon, 15 Oct 2018 09:36:43 -0500
If our key formative relationships featured manipulation, because it was an easy way to control us, we may have developed what can be termed a prohibitive conscience - a conscience based in fear, operating out of guilt. Likewise, if we have encountered people who are controlling, and we haven't been brought up in such a way, such manipulation can be jarring.
Don't Crush What You Need to Blossom
Wed, 29 Aug 2018 10:31:52 -0500
This is another wise saying of my wife's. 'Don't crush the flower before it gets its chance to blossom.' Now, I am not really a gardener, but I have it on good authority that flowering plants need to be planted and tended well before they can mature. The same theory fits with human beings, whether it is in families, workplaces, churches, or marriages.
Dating: Should Someone Be Suspicious If Another Person Acts Extremely Interested In The Beginning?
Thu, 20 Sep 2018 12:09:04 -0500
If someone was to come across a dog, and this dog was to jump up down, making it clear that he/she was pleased to see them, there would be no reason for them to wonder what was going on. This is due to the fact that this just what dogs are like; they don't need a reason to be warm and responsive.
Labels Prevent Us From Seeing Human Beings
Wed, 27 Jun 2018 08:22:57 -0500
Labels prevent us from seeing the human being behind them. Once a person is labelled, we immediately see that person through the label. The label might affect our complete vision of that human being or only part of it but only by looking behind the label will we be able to truly see the person as he or she truly is.
Relationships: Why Do Some Women Always Attract Men Who Are Aloof?
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 10:42:16 -0500
When a woman has the tendency to end up with men who are unavailable, it is naturally going to have a negative effect on her wellbeing. Her desire to be with a man who is available is not going to be met, so it is to be expected that this won't be something that she can simply overlook.
Do You End Up With People Who Are You Emotionally Unavailable?
Sat, 30 Jun 2018 19:16:48 -0500
I was thinking the other day about how common it is for people to end up in a relationship with someone who is not available. This is something that usually causes them to experience a lot of pain.
Instant Healing Of Your Ego Wounded Self? It Doesn't Exist
Tue, 03 Apr 2018 07:24:29 -0500
Do you think you should be farther along in your healing than you are? Do you get discouraged when dealing with the same issues over and over? You're not alone!
A Front and Rear Guard for the Heart
Mon, 27 Aug 2018 10:31:51 -0500
I awoke as I normally do with the thought, what will I speak on today, and what will I write? Sometimes I already have the idea, but not this day. And then I read Acts chapter 14, and I see two words that summarise what Paul and the brothers were up against on that first missionary journey. First I see the opposition that they faced. The second thing I see is the flattery they encounter. Two completely opposite, and yet equally dangerous spirits, but both replete with opportunity.
The Prodigal Son and His Brother
Sat, 21 Jul 2018 10:32:42 -0500
The Prodigal Son is a parable told by Jesus about the younger son who demanded his inheritance from father and then once he got it went to a faraway land where he squandered his inheritance. This article about his older brother who continued to work for his father during the time his little brother was away.
What Makes You Feel Worthy and Loveable?
Tue, 05 Jun 2018 05:41:56 -0500
Take a moment to think about this: What do you believe makes you feel worthy and lovable? Do you believe you are worthy when you receive others' approval? Do you believe that you will feel worthy when you lose weight or look a certain way?
Relationships: Why Do Some People Lose Themselves When They Get Into A Relationship?
Mon, 10 Sep 2018 12:33:48 -0500
When two people get together and start a relationship, they can both have their own life. There is going to be how one person likes spend to their life and then there is going to be how the other person likes to spend their life.
Relationships: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Associate Love With Drama?
Mon, 08 Oct 2018 14:50:30 -0500
In the same way that some car journeys can be peaceful and obstacle free and some can be noisy and full of obstacles, relationships can also fall into one of these two categories. What is clear is that it is going to be far healthier for someone to be in a relationship that falls into the fist category than one that falls into the second.
Wait and Let God Avenge For You Like Only God Can
Sun, 22 Apr 2018 16:37:31 -0500
Forgiveness is the directive of the Lord, even as we receive the Lord's forgiveness. But there is a reckoning to be had for all unrepentant perpetrators. As all deserve mercy if one receives mercy, such mercy is only available to those who do justice.
Don't Put Women On A Pedestal
Thu, 05 Jul 2018 07:07:35 -0500
While I was out the other day I saw a woman who was wearing a fair amount of makeup, and seeing this woman had quite a big effect on me. But, even though part of me was responding to what I had seen, another part of me thought about how strange this all was.
Relationships: How Can A Woman Tell If A Man Is Unavailable?
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 11:21:54 -0500
Although a woman may find that it is relatively easy for her to attract a man, what she may also find is that she is unable to find a man who actually wants a relationship. This may mean that she has been with a number of men who were emotionally unavailable.
Staying Present IN the Awkward Moment - True Story
Sun, 29 Apr 2018 17:06:46 -0500
Have you ever been to one of those eatery birthday parties? The ones where they offer free beverages and eats, there's live music, etc. I went to one recently. It was great. I arrived there with a sense of expectancy.
Want Control? Then Take Your Responsibility
Mon, 23 Jul 2018 11:49:57 -0500
What I write about below is personal psychology 101. Most people in life want control over their life. Indeed, that's a huge understatement. We all want more control over life and our lives than we can seize. But this want of control, when needing control becomes an idol, creates situations where, most often, we surrender control. Here's how that works.
Makeup And The False-Self
Thu, 24 May 2018 11:17:16 -0500
The other day I saw a picture of a woman's face on social media and this picture had received a fair amount 'likes'. That wasn't it though, as she had received a number of positive comments.
Responsibility and Control in Relationship
Sat, 21 Jul 2018 10:28:43 -0500
There is one key determinant in gauging mental, emotional, and spiritual health. To what extent does a person have the capability to take their responsibility versus their propensity to control others.
Relationships: Why Do Some People Have The Need To Be Needed'?
Sat, 28 Jul 2018 18:43:14 -0500
While there are people who are not interested in trying to rescue or save other people, there are others who are. As a result of this, some people will be repelled by these kinds of people and some will be drawn to them like bees to a honey pot.
Relationships: Can Smartphones Destroy Relationships?
Thu, 19 Jul 2018 10:48:15 -0500
In the same way that it is easy for someone not embrace each day of the week due to being completely absorbed in what will happen at the weekend, it is also just as easy for them to ignore the people in their life due to being completely absorbed in their Smartphone. In each of these cases, the present moment won't be fully embraced.
You Don't Need Anyone To Love You
Thu, 05 Jul 2018 07:08:55 -0500
It's not uncommon for someone to say that they want someone to love them, and this is what will motivate them to look for another person to be with. They might believe that everything will be fine after they have found someone like this.
The Peace You Seek in a Warring World
Sat, 14 Jul 2018 10:19:10 -0500
Spend any time watching social media and you soon discover that the world seems to be going crazy. There are sides in everything. Politics has its left and right. Church has its fundamentals and liberals. There are feminists and misogynists. Pro-lifers and those for pro-choice. Those for and against same-sex marriage. People who believe in euthanasia and those who don't. This article is nothing about any of these issues.
Couples Who 'Chore' Together, Generally Stay Together
Tue, 12 Jun 2018 09:46:29 -0500
Do you and your partner do chores together? If not, this article might be very helpful to you.
Social Media: Has Social Media Caused Some People To Trade Intimacy For Attention?
Wed, 26 Sep 2018 12:53:31 -0500
When someone shares something online, they can end up receiving a fair amount of attention, and this can allow them to feel good about themselves. Even so, what happens online might only be a small part of their life.
Those Precious Moments Missed Are Lost
Sat, 14 Apr 2018 14:09:35 -0500
Having made the choice to attend a work function and miss spending time with my five-year-old son it was easy to reconcile the matter - there are plenty of those times. Trouble is, there are not plenty of those times. He is already five years old. In a reflective moment we're given to the sadness that he is no longer two or three, or even a baby.
Betray Someone - What Happens?
Tue, 16 Oct 2018 14:53:41 -0500
To betray an ideal or a loved one can feel deeply disturbing. There are options in how we choose to respond when we are let down by others.
Here's a Person to Be Wary of
Wed, 05 Sep 2018 13:52:29 -0500
The world is full of lovely people, so don't get me wrong if this sounds a bit far-fetched or gets us talking about negative things too much. But the fact is there are people in our lives that gain far too much access to us.
Abuse and the Eggshell Skull Rule
Mon, 15 Oct 2018 09:37:05 -0500
It suddenly occurred to me, having written "a difference between a victim and a survivor", that there is subjectivity out there regarding who can legitimately claim they have been abused. I don't think it's a coincidence that I have just learned about the eggshell skull rule. It's worth knowing about.
The Dynamics of Love and Control in Relationships
Sat, 28 Jul 2018 18:44:13 -0500
For some, in some situations, love is neither the desire nor do we have its agency. Love's not so easy. Situations like these we feel controlled or we act out of a need to have control. Relationship in this way is about taking and demanding and not giving or letting go. No matter what we try to do, the person we want to love will not receive that love. Whatever we give doesn't seem to be enough or even the right thing; it isn't perceived as loving.
Relationships: Do Some People's Childhood Set Them Up To Feel Safe With Abuse?
Mon, 26 Mar 2018 07:08:09 -0500
While there are people in the world who are in healthy relationships, there are others who aren't. As a result of this, some people are going to be with people who have a negative effect on them.
Meet the Malevolent Brothers, 'Abuse' and 'Manipulation'
Mon, 25 Jun 2018 11:52:05 -0500
Suddenly it dawned on me, there is a possible dynamic on the slippery slope, either side of making peace. The attack phase involves abuse. The escape phase involves manipulation.
The Power in Naming the Game to Take Its Power Away
Sat, 21 Jul 2018 10:28:05 -0500
One of the healthiest devices known in the field of counselling is the concept of naming what is going on in the room. As I was reminded recently, one way of looking at this is to imagine each phenomenon as the game. There is incredible value in naming a game.
The Relational Beauty of Empathy
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 08:37:28 -0500
It has long been a mystery to me just why on earth some people have an excess of empathy and some people have a dearth of it. At one end of the spectrum we have people so empathic they end up in relationships with those at the other end of the spectrum - those at the narcissistic end. I don't think it's useful in the present discussion to focus on the latter, because the former are so much more worthy of discussion and praise.
What I'm Thinking As They Drive Off in the Distance
Fri, 23 Mar 2018 11:26:33 -0500
Having said our goodbyes, the car reversed out of the driveway, last waves were had, forward the wheels rolled down the road, before turning the corner and going out of view. The loaned reality of sorrow struck once more. It won't always be like this.
Putting People On A Pedestal Stops Us From Growing
Sun, 03 Jun 2018 17:03:39 -0500
I was thinking the other day about how much of an obsession there is with celebrities in today's world. Actors, sports stars, singers, and even people who have been on reality TV are often seen as gods/goddesses.
Will I Ever Be Forgiven?
Mon, 26 Mar 2018 07:08:40 -0500
Have you ever had a time when you felt you had transgressed a significant relationship so much you felt you may not ever be forgiven? I'm sure you relate. There have been possibly a dozen or more times like that in my life.
Do Some People Need To Experience A Few Bad Relationships Before They Can Appreciate A Good One?
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 09:47:36 -0500
There are some people who will feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who is not abusive, while there will be others who won't. Therefore, if someone who can relate to the former was to end up with someone who is abusive, they would probably soon walk away.
How the Best Advice I Ever Got Hurt Before Its Truth Hit Home
Sat, 28 Jul 2018 18:44:42 -0500
It seemed so simple, but I was gobsmacked by the profoundness of what was said. There, as I lay there, my wife scooped in my arms, in bed to sleep, I was wide awake with awe, at the advice I had five minutes earlier heard my wife utter to me.
Free Soul Mate Reading Review
Thu, 07 Jun 2018 08:50:43 -0500
The free soul mate reading is a foolproof magical program that helps unravel your true romance life in a matter of hours. It relies on the power of 3 tarot love cards to identify the little-known secrets of your past, current, and future romance life. It's all you need if your heart has been reduced to a dustbin due to frequent heartbreaks and disappointments. It reveals all you need to know about your future and empowers you to easily identify your 'Mr. Right'. It gives detailed instructions for finding and keeping a soul mate. With this program, your heart will never be used as a playground by fake boyfriends who are only after using you for sexual benefits. It will enlighten you enabling you to understand how to read your soul mate's heart and dedicate true love to keep them forever.
Okay, So How Am I to Challenge Someone Who Hates Being Criticised?
Wed, 04 Apr 2018 11:48:05 -0500
For someone who hates being criticised, God had a sense of humour when a while back someone asked me as pastor the above question. I've had to learn a lot about accepting criticism over the years, especially the last several. Just when I've thought 'I'm good at this' God has brought a new lesson front-and-centre to show me just how insecure I can be. No matter how unfair criticism is, I've had to learn there's always some truth in there to be gleaned. So, with that background I'm taking the role of suggesting ways to approach someone like me.
Responsibility Makes and Breaks Relationships
Mon, 16 Jul 2018 07:27:42 -0500
The blessing we receive in taking responsibility is we take control of everything we can control, and we surrender control for everything that is beyond our control. And that is wisdom.
Opinion Is a Privilege, Not a Right
Sat, 31 Mar 2018 09:50:19 -0500
One week teaches us much if we care to reflect and observe. God had this sort of conversation with me recently: "Watch and learn about how your opinion polarises or changes - see how fickle it is - watch and learn about others' opinions - watch and learn, thirdly, about the ruin opinion brings."
How Do I Know If I Should Help You or Not?
Mon, 10 Sep 2018 12:34:03 -0500
I have a real problem. If I listen to others, I really don't know whether I should help you or not. Actually, I do know, but it occasionally gets me into trouble, because at times I have offered to help those that some I know don't want me to help. For all manner of reason, good reasons and not-so-good reasons, helping sometimes creates problems in my relationships.
Wishing and Hoping
Sun, 06 May 2018 08:47:26 -0500
Have you ever had someone tell you that they weren't interested in having a relationship with you? That can be a devastating thing to hear. Everyone wants to be loved and cared for.
Kindness Is Differential Blindness
Mon, 15 Oct 2018 09:33:54 -0500
If life has taught me anything it is that I am selfish. I'm being honest. I don't see very well at times. But times when I do see well, I'm prone to going my own way. I like to agree with those who think like me, and I tend to judge people who think differently. I am not very kind at times. Indeed, I think it is more the case that kindness is something I've had to work on. It isn't something that comes naturally. I think this is the case for most of us.
Why You and Me Doesn't Equal Three
Mon, 10 Sep 2018 12:36:46 -0500
Art therapy class taught me a lot. It consisted of a period of reflective expression in the form of a created piece of art, which was followed by a period of group therapy. It was amazing what took place through sharing what we had drawn, written, painted or sculpted.
You Have Daddy Issues
Sat, 07 Jul 2018 10:50:31 -0500
I was thinking the other day about how, over the years, I had heard a number of people say that certain women had "daddy issues". This was something that was said if a woman blamed all men for everything and hated men, or even if she had the tendency to go for older men.
Relational Silence That Sabotages or Restores
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 08:44:02 -0500
As a counsellor and a champion for peacemaking, I find there are two noteworthy kinds of silence that occur within conflict. One is very dynamic, but the other is very destructive.
Relationships: Why Are Some Men Only Interested In Women Who Need To Be Saved?
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 10:41:38 -0500
When a man and a woman are together, and they are both in touch with their power, there will be no need for one of them to try to rescue the other. They will both have boundaries and they won't be carrying too much baggage.
Delighting In Dealing With Difficult People
Mon, 15 Oct 2018 09:36:33 -0500
You sense it straight away, booking an appointment over the phone. The person on the other end is efficient if not a little curt. With every second it seems there is a heightening urgency in their voice. You feel as if you're being intentionally problematic for them, even though you're diligently polite.
Relationships: Is Our Life Defined By The Inner Models That Other People Have Of Us?
Thu, 15 Mar 2018 07:12:02 -0500
When one meets someone for the first time, they might not know anything about them. However, once they have spent a little while in their company, they will start to construct an inner model of what they are like.
Prepare Messiah's Bride: Rocks and Relationships
Thu, 14 Jun 2018 11:34:41 -0500
Coming out of institutional churches has left many people in a quandary about how to find fellowship.Despite good intentions to follow the Word of the God of Israel--Messianic or Hebrew Roots groups--many such fellowships have succumbed to strife and division. This article identifies what the author believes to be a core issue and begins the process to address and restore individual and fellowship relationships between people, faith communities and the God of Israel.
When Life's Trials and Tribulations Are Overwhelming Your Well-Being, Take Heart
Mon, 12 Mar 2018 07:21:57 -0500
A rainy Sunday morning in normally sunny California, a portend of something undesirable and unwelcome was inevitably coming closer to disturb my quietude. I launched my desktop computer to see what I had missed overnight. Soon I wished I had not made that effort so early in my day.I opened and began reading an email straight from the bowels of hell, a missive of deceit and hate, news of the worst possible kind at the worst possible moment for me right now. My split-second reaction was a gripping sense of panic as a wave of anxiety swept over me like the frigid, foretelling wind from the darkest reaches of Antarctica. My vision blurred momentarily, and my head bowed towards the ground as if I might lose consciousness. I opened and began reading an email straight from the bowels of hell, a missive of deceit and hate, news of the worst possible kind at the worst possible moment for me right now. My split-second reaction was a gripping sense of panic as a wave of as a wave of anxiety swept over me like the frigid, foretelling wind from the darkest reaches of Antarctica.
How Much Control Do You Need?
Sun, 15 Jul 2018 17:49:06 -0500
The fact is we are in bondage to anything we have to control, whether it is people, the possessions we have, the circumstances of our lives, and especially how events we are involved in play out. Whatever we have to control controls us, and we're tempted to use what controls us, to control others.
The Only Way to Never Is to Never Say Never
Tue, 22 May 2018 15:02:12 -0500
If we say we'll never have an affair, that's fine, but we had better imagine how easily such things happen if we're not continually guarding our hearts. Too easily do we all rest in the fact that our ideals say we would never, without realising we're fallible beings prone to being wanted and needed. None of us are too far away from falling in love with something or someone totally inappropriate. The only way to never is to never say never.
Loving People Well With Boundaries
Mon, 02 Apr 2018 11:18:34 -0500
I wasn't in paid ministry very long - first day, in fact - before my then senior pastor gave me a salient lesson on boundaries. It would be a lesson I was destined to learn the hard way.
Friendliness for Fighting and Freedom
Fri, 09 Mar 2018 14:41:41 -0600
Friendliness is a wisdom that wins every fight. It is impossible to fight someone who insists on being friendly. It refuses temptation to hurt, continuing to hope for the best in the other person and the relationship.
Relationships: Why Do Some People Lose Interest When Another Person Treats Them Well?
Sat, 09 Jun 2018 15:21:33 -0500
If someone had the desire to be in a relationship, they might think about what they can do to find the right person. This could then be a time when they will join at least one dating app and/or they might start going out a few times a week.
We Are Here for You
Tue, 10 Apr 2018 11:22:57 -0500
It wouldn't be an unusual scenario in any of our lives to have a loved one or dear friend who needs to know, 'we are here for you.' There are people all over the planet who feel that way right now.
Could Stress Be Distressing Your Relationships?
Sat, 28 Jul 2018 18:45:17 -0500
So many people I encounter are under the direct burden of stress. Levels of general anxiety in the population today are as high as at any other time in the history of the world. And yet, as you read this you might be like much of the world, living in comparative luxury compared to others who cannot read this, and there are those historically who have faced much harder realities than we do today, yet possibly experienced less general anxiety. These below are just four items on what would be a long list.
Relationships: Why Do Some People Focus On Other People's Problems?
Sun, 29 Jul 2018 16:19:40 -0500
Even though one will have their own life to lead while they are on this planet, it doesn't mean that they will actually have their own life. Instead, they could end up spending most of their tine focusing on other people's problems.
You CAN Learn To Make Yourself Feel Safe
Mon, 16 Jul 2018 21:22:31 -0500
Growing up, many of us didn't feel at all safe in our households. Many of us had parents or other caregivers who were physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abusive or neglectful. We had to find ways to manage this lack of safety, so we learned to numb out, eat or use other substances, be good, be bad or try to be perfect, or project the fear on something other than our parents, because acknowledging that it was our parents causing our fear caused more fear.
That Day a Drunk Homeless Man Changed My Life
Mon, 07 May 2018 14:52:55 -0500
During the season of life where my life seemed interrupted, and I entered a time of recovery that I could neither foresee nor appreciate at the time, a random event occurred that changed my life. I was walking a lot in those days. It was how I often connected with God; even as He had stripped me back where my life circumstance serially broke me.
Empowering and Enabling Functional Forgiveness
Mon, 04 Jun 2018 11:25:26 -0500
Imagine fellow human beings not being the real enemy, but the force of disconnection they avow; forgiveness is a power we employ when it functions for us to reconnect us to what is good. Unforgiveness is a force of disconnection.
Power, Privilege and Privation
Tue, 03 Jul 2018 11:06:40 -0500
We all have our childhood experiences, but for many forgotten ones, childhood trauma has left such an indelible mark on their psyches that they bear those marks of abuse everywhere they go, in everything they think, feeling through a heart that was damaged so long ago. The world is a place of power for the few, privilege for the many, and privation for those lost ones society seems to care so little about.
Can 'iron Sharpens Iron' Become an Excuse for Abuse?
Wed, 29 Aug 2018 10:33:28 -0500
Another goblet of gold from my wife, here. The conversation went this way: Me: you say that 'encouragement is sometimes about finding the right time for iron to sharpen iron.' Does that mean we just need to wait for the right time to give someone a truth they may not like to hear? Wife: I think it's more complicated than that. There's more to be considered. Iron sharpening iron, as a method of encouragement, must be a tremendously complex idea. There's a stand-alone article in that. Me: okay. That sounds exciting.
That Relationship You Need a Miracle for
Sun, 08 Jul 2018 08:54:32 -0500
We've all been in this place. And yet, another grief falls upon us. There is a relationship that shatters us in the process of its shattering. Whether the relationship is intact or not is immaterial. There is a grief in both aspects of relationship: in absence especially, but also in presence. Ask the spouse of the one with dementia. What was so precious is gone, forever. Sometimes presence resembles absence in the cruellest of ways.
Relationships: Is It Harder For Someone To Settle Down If They Have Been With A Lot Of People?
Thu, 27 Sep 2018 16:12:51 -0500
In the past, it was the norm for people to wait until they were married before they had sex, and they would have most likely stayed with the same person until their time on this earth came to an end. Thanks, in part, due to the 'sexual liberation' of the 60s and 80s, this has all changed.
Are You Relying On Luck To Get What You Want?
Mon, 01 Oct 2018 12:14:04 -0500
When I used to go to different bars and clubs on a regular basis many, many years ago, there were often men who would talk about how they hoped to 'get lucky'. Sometimes I knew the people who would say this and, at other times, this was something that I would overhear.
What You See Is Never The Whole Person
Wed, 27 Jun 2018 08:19:38 -0500
No human being can fully perceive another one because they didn't walk their exact path or shared the same experiences. Our perception of others is always distorted by our own knowledge and understanding of reality.
Intimacy: Can Someone Be Unaware Of Their Own Fear Of Intimacy?
Thu, 18 Oct 2018 15:03:41 -0500
If someone has the desire to be in an intimate relationship, they may find that it is only a matter of time before they meet the right person. Alternatively, they may find that they are only able to get so far.
The Return of the Prodigal Son
Fri, 29 Jun 2018 07:38:34 -0500
The parable of the prodigal Son, sometimes called the Lost Son is a story about how the father had two sons and the younger son demanded his share of the inheritance before it was due. After he received he inheritance the younger son set off for a faraway land where he squandered his inheritance.
8 Tips to Help You Develop Positive Relationships
Tue, 12 Jun 2018 09:24:34 -0500
We all go through a lot of experiences during our lives. If you want to feel happier, healthier and more satisfied, you need to develop positive relationships with your loved ones. So, if you are struggling with this effort, we have given a few tips in this article that may help you achieve your goal.
Do You Tolerate Others' Uncaring and Disrespectful Behavior?
Mon, 18 Jun 2018 21:02:12 -0500
I grew up with two parents who constantly lacked caring for my feelings and frequently treated me with deep disrespect. Looking back, I know that neither of them had any idea of how to compassionately manage their own feelings, so they were completely incapable of being compassionate with mine. In fact, they seemed to lack the ability to feel and show compassion.
Mon, 28 May 2018 19:51:14 -0500
This is one of those vulnerable articles. It's hoped that as I share about my/our weaknesses you too will be encouraged to own and accept your weaknesses, defeating any perfectionistic stride that tends to disrupt and even destroy relationships.
When a Relationship Is Not What We Hope
Sat, 21 Jul 2018 10:27:48 -0500
There are times in all our lives when there is a relationship that doesn't quite meet our hopes. There is a particular kind of relationship that continues to elude us with a loved one or a friendship that has experienced fracture.
Listen to Someone and You Empower Them
Sat, 05 May 2018 16:35:11 -0500
There are some situations that beg us to listen and to respond in affirmation. These are particularly the kinds of circumstances where people with us are vulnerable.
What Was Cute In Romance May Become Acute In Conflict
Thu, 13 Sep 2018 10:10:26 -0500
A number of years ago I read a few books by David Richo, and this is someone who really knows what he is talking about. Whether it is relationships or self-development in general, his books are packed full of insights.
He Wanted To Kill Himself After His Partner Left Him
Mon, 23 Apr 2018 07:06:30 -0500
A little while ago I spoke to someone whose son had gone through a break up, and this was something that had a big impact on him. She didn't say how long he had been with her for, but she did go into what he went though.
When Experience Gets in the Way of Empathy
Sun, 15 Apr 2018 10:22:26 -0500
The conversation went a little like this: 'Others (i.e. you) don't really know what this is about' to which I said, 'Yes, but I've been through the same sort of season in the past.' There was tacit agreement. The person had to agree. They knew my story, and they knew I understood. But their point was, 'But you're not there now.'
Relationships: Why Do Some People Try To Take Other People's Pain Away?
Fri, 17 Aug 2018 11:13:47 -0500
Pain is something that everyone on the planet experiences and, therefore, it is one of the things that connect human beings. However, although pain is something that can't be avoided, it doesn't mean that everyone is willing to accept this.
The Key to Being an Encourager
Mon, 07 May 2018 07:09:36 -0500
In commending a friend about their ability to encourage, their capacity for encouragement, they explained with profound simplicity the wherewithal: 'I'm learning to speak promptly when God leads and not just think good things about people.' See the profundity in this statement?